Trusting God in the the trials

So I decided to sit down and write out my testimony a while back and the first thing I realized was that it has changed since Stephen and I got married.  A lot of things I didn't really understand what God was preparing me for but now makes much better sense.  I went to World Changers the summer after turning 16 and it was there that I felt called to some type of full time missions or ministry.  I had no idea what that meant or what God was doing.  I knew that I didn't feel called to overseas missions so I was really confused. But I obeyed....I filled the card out and took it to the alter. After Stephen and I started dating I started to kinda understand what God had been preparing me for all those years. I started to realizes that the full time ministry I was called to was to support my husband's ministry and therefore would have my own ministry.  But then the nervousness started to set in.  I am not the "normal" pastor's wife.  I do not have it altogether or act like I have it altogether.  But over the last 3 or 4 years I am realizing that that is ok.  And sometime it allows me to minister more effectively.  I am also not the pastor's wife that is involved in the things that put me front and center.  Partly because I don't have the time to be involved in choir and what not, but partly because I feel that at this time in my life God has called me to different types of ministries.  I would rather administrate things like VBS, MOPS and women's ministries.  I do pray everyday that God would draw me closer to him and to help equip me to be a better more Godly wife and mother and that I would be able to help other women in the same areas.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.  But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." James 1:2-6

Being a pastor's wife is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. You take a lot of criticism.  You watch your husband take a lot of criticism.  There have been times in my life where I have faced trails that I didn't understand, trials that were hurtful and harsh.  But coming full circle I can see what God was trying to teach me.  Now don't get me wrong....I still look back and wonder how I survived that time. But I can at least look back and see God carrying me through it.  I do think that we should never be afraid to ask for wisdom.  In James we see that we should ask but to ask with faith.  If you half-heartly ask for something and you go into it thinking that God isn't going to hear you and answer you then don't ask in the first place.  But ask expecting God to show up! To Answer! Now realize that sometimes God's answer is no, or not right now, or for you to sit tight I have big plans for you later.  So don't think that just because you ask for wisdom or ask to be removed from your trial that that will mean that you get it right away, but in his perfect timing!

My prayer is that whenever I face those times in my life, where things get bad that I will be able to ask for God's guidance and his strength.